The wife submits to her husband! Excuse me?
Marriage and submission in Ephesians 5:22-33
The subordination of the wife to her husband is a very offensive topic in this day and age. Individualism, emancipation and modern feminism have led to this divine order within a marriage being increasingly disregarded. What exactly does the Bible say about submission and marriage?
The Bible passage that is often quoted is found in Ephesians 5:22-24, which says the following:
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the church, having saved her as his body. But just as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in all things.
Most people will ask themselves here at the latest what exactly the concept of submission means and to what extent a wife should submit to her husband. First of all, I would like to describe the development of society and make direct reference to how it misunderstands, disregards or even distorts biblical truth.
In today's society, individualism and self-realization are playing an increasingly important role for many people, both men and women. It is becoming increasingly important, or so it seems, that one's own needs have top priority. True to the motto: “First me, then everyone else”. This goes so far that this tendency is reflected in selfishness, which eclipses the needs of others. Money and financial independence as well as a personal career are becoming increasingly important to the individual. And even if one's own needs are of course important, we are increasingly seeing that the partner or even the children are being put further into the background in order to chase after one's own happiness or to realize oneself or alone. It is often simply assumed that you are restricted in a marriage and that you can't live your life to the full. Marriage is like a cage from which you have to free yourself. Children are put in kindergarten or school all day and are then looked after there all afternoon. Education is placed in the hands of complete strangers. If you then wonder where certain views of the children come from, even though you didn't really bring them up yourself - other people did - you shouldn't be surprised. The importance of the bond between children and parents is no longer fully appreciated these days. Parents come home and are exhausted from their working day. Everyone lives for themselves, there are no meals together or the smartphone and other devices take up all the attention.
There are no longer different roles for men and women. Everyone is somehow responsible for everything, and then at the same time. Roles are divided up arbitrarily, and the prejudices and dissatisfaction within the relationship are really just the result of the fact that nothing works by halves. Or rather: you can't really rely on anything if you blame the other person for the unclear allocation of roles. Things that you expected your partner to do on their own initiative are not done and you are disappointed. Lack of communication and misunderstandings - another result. Men and women live together on the one hand and yet completely alone on the other. Society is more connected than ever before and yet more and more people feel lonely.
Are these healthy relationships? Marriages? Families? A healthy development of society? Can we call these all-too-common family situations healthy? I really wonder how such developments can actually be considered good. But this is exactly what is being lived out, at least subconsciously, even if it is not actively thought about. I think that's very fatal and harmful for everyone involved.
What exactly is the Christian understanding of marriage? What does the Bible say about how a marriage should work in which a man and woman really love each other? I would like to refer back to the story of creation in the next paragraph, as God's understanding of marriage is already revealed there.
In the beginning, God created man and woman. And yes, even though God created the man first, the woman is by no means something inferior, but was clearly planned from the beginning, just like the man. So God created the man, did not want him to be alone, knew that he was missing something, and created the woman. Back then, in the Garden of Eden, everything was still perfect. Adam and Eve were the first married couple, so to speak, or the first people to enter into the marriage bond between man and woman. Adam was supposed to look after Eve and although we often hear that Eve was to blame for the fall of man, it is not fair to blame only Eve for the fall of man. Adam had already failed to fulfill one of his only tasks and in a way rebelled against God. And then he took the fruit himself and ate it. In marriage, man and woman are no longer two but become one. (Cf. Mark 10:8)1 Both are dependent on each other. Both emotionally and physically. Although men and women are created equal, they are not the same. This can be recognized by various differences even beyond the mere sexual parts. They should complement each other. Women can do many things better than men and vice versa. It is an astonishing phenomenon that these differences are often taken directly as an insult. They attack the woman who has become so independent over the course of time and is a strong, imancipated woman. But this statement that we are not the same is not meant to be offensive or insulting at all. However, in a fallen world where sin now prevails due to the Fall, this is also just a consequence of it. Sometimes I still wonder whether some people really don't want to understand the Bible and are rebelling against God, or whether there is simply ignorance that needs to be cleared up.
Adam and Eve were originally intended to reflect a much bigger picture of marriage. God reveals his nature in her and points directly to himself in marriage. It is a picture between Christ and his church. Jesus who sacrificed and gave himself completely for us. Not because he had to, but because he did it out of love for us. The man now reflects Christ and the woman reflects the church. This is God's order of creation. Below God is the man, below that the woman, and below that the children. Before I come to the verses that tell us exactly what this means for a husband and what responsibility the husband has towards the wife, let's take a look at the “problem verses” from the beginning.
Ephesians chapter 5, verses 22-24.
The wife submits to her husband in all things. In principle, this statement is actually always left as it is without really understanding the context or willfully disregarding it. I admit that at first glance, this verse seems quite harsh without context. And if we leave it uncommented and don't read any further, then it's no wonder that there are always arguments about such verses. After all, they are old-fashioned and have to be adapted to the times. “We no longer live in the Middle Ages.” However, the Bible doesn't just leave it at that. This completely ignores the fact that 1. the Bible interprets itself and 2. God only wants the best for us humans. But let's continue reading the next nine verses:
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for her to sanctify her. He cleansed her by the washing of water in the word, that he might present the church to himself glorious, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and blameless. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one has ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church. For we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This mystery is great, but I interpret it as referring to Christ and the church. Wherefore ye also, let every man love his wife as himself; and let the wife reverence her husband.
(Emphasis by the author)
These contain the requirement of how the husband is to love the wife. Yes, the wife should submit to her husband, just as the church submits to Christ. But in order to make this requirement at all, there must first of all be unconditional love and sacrifice on the part of the man. Men are to love their wives as they love their own bodies. (Cf. Matthew 22:37-39)2 Respect women, sanctify them and love them. I am not married yet and therefore cannot speak from experience, but I try to argue from my conscience and common sense:
If a woman feels comfortable in a relationship, or rather in a marriage, feels loved and perceived because the man really(!) loves her, then she submits to the man. Voluntarily. Just as the church believes in Jesus and glorifies him. Submission does not mean that you cannot or must not make decisions yourself, or that women are inferior and must not have an opinion. We do not find such a view in the Bible, and it would also contradict God's creation and the Bible. If, for example, a man proposes something absolutely stupid, such as leading himself, his wife or both of them into sin or separating the family in some way, the woman must object and also point this out to the man and rebuke him. If a man cannot accept this, he should question himself and lower his ego a little. The man did not act as God would wish. What we do find in the Bible, however, is a division of roles and true love. Love in which both partners voluntarily sacrifice themselves for each other in order to be happy together. Love in which you are constantly aware of your role and remind yourself of your duties and check whether you are fulfilling them. This is the only way true love can work. It is dependent on the other person. Especially because in marriage you become one flesh. You don't both have to do everything and then only half, but you focus on your strengths and divide them among each other to complement each other. Charity put into practice. Then both can be happier. Trust is another aspect of a marriage. If you trust your partner, and you should in a marriage, you can also trust them to make good and correct decisions. From a biblical point of view, the man has the last word if both positions contradict each other and no solution can be found, but one should be found. The man then decides the situation. (See order of creation)3 This does not at all contradict the aspect that people should not consult with each other, or that women cannot or must not make their own decisions, or that they are not trusted to do so. This conclusion would simply be wrong and misleading because, as already written, it does not correspond to the biblical picture of subordination. God has given us all human beings a conscience and a more or less free will and also trusts us to make decisions. (Cf. Genesis 1:27-28)4
Those who adopt the biblical view of marriage, role allocation and subordination as their motto in life can certainly approach the topic of family and marriage very differently than those who do not. Not that people never argue or have bad phases, but at least deal with such phases differently than the majority of this society. The divorce rate is higher than it has ever been in history and even if it has fallen again in the last year, it is still problematically high. Marriage is sacrifice and submission for both!
If only for the reason that you don't put your own needs and desires first, but those of your partner. If you fulfill these in your partner, you make your partner and, as a result, yourself happy. You can only speak of a win-win. And then we are back to the subject of true love and the associated voluntary sacrifice of both partners. If this sacrifice is not given, you really have to ask yourself whether it is really true love or just a modern definition of “love” that has gradually changed over time. Social views change, the Bible is and remains God's word and will always be valid. (Cf. Hebrews 13:8)5 It is certainly not easy to get everything or many things right, but with God's help, which He reveals to us in the Bible and which we can read about in His Word, it is certainly easier than if we think we know better than our Creator. For He gave Himself for us out of love so that we can live. The husband's task in marriage is to love his wife as Christ did for the church. As Christians, we are obligated to represent God as His image in sacrifice, love and submission to one another, and also to submit to and listen to Him as a perfect, just and loving God. We humans - man and woman are at eye level. God, on the other hand, is far above man. Anyone who thinks they contradict God in His commandments, tasks and duties and thinks they know even better than the Creator is quite courageous, or rather quite foolish.
And the two will be one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh.
But Jesus said to him: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind.” This is the highest and first commandment. But the other is like it: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself”
God-man-woman-children (middle of the article)
And God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.
Jesus Christ yesterday and today and the same for eternity.