My God, Why Am I Alone?
Loneliness, Faith, and the Question of God's Nearness
Loneliness. But what does it actually mean to be “lonely”? Are we lonely at all? I think we all know the feeling. Some more, some less. You often feel alone, but you don't always have to be alone. This feeling is enough to make you feel very bad or fall into depression.
You meet up with friends, see your work colleagues, are in a relationship or are surrounded by siblings and family anyway. Then there's the church. I always meet nice people there. But still, something doesn't feel quite right. I am alone. But who believes me when I say I'm alone? You can see that I'm among people. I can't be that alone, can I? I long for company and at the same time I'm a more introverted person, quite adaptable. However, that doesn't always make it easy. When I've been interacting with lots of people for a long time, I need a break. I recharge my energy. Alone. I need this time too, and I don't feel alone at all, even when I am. That's fine. But after a while, the feeling of loneliness comes over you again. What's going on? I look around me and realize that many of my former friends are no longer there. Since when, actually? Since the moment I truly professed my faith in Christ. Since that moment.
I didn't grow up in a Christian family. At least not in a family of believers. Rather in a culturally Christian family that places value on Christian morals such as the 10 commandments. But unfortunately nothing more. I then went to a Christian kindergarten right next to our church. So my whole life I was somehow connected to the Christian faith, but not quite yet. So it came as a shock to some: I became a real Christian. During and after my confirmation, I became more involved with the Christian faith. I asked questions, did research and watched lots of YouTube videos. In 2019, I made the decision to follow Christ. The Holy Spirit is at work (reflecting on my baptism, I would say that he has been doing this my whole life) and I am strengthening my faith and delving deeper into Christian topics. I really only want to occupy myself with Christianity. It must have all seemed strange to my friends at the time. Over time, I've lost them and my family almost think I'm extreme. “You don't have to look at everything from the point of view of faith” or “Why don't you deal with normal things” were all phrases that I had to listen to. Well, what can I say, my interest has driven me so far that I have now been studying theology for 1.5 years. It is my life, and God willing, I will become a pastor in the future. However, my cousins in particular are less understanding: “Who still believes such an old book?” or “Science is so much more advanced, we no longer live as we did 2000 years ago.” No really?! All this beauty that you find in faith and in Jesus. They don't understand it. How can they? They can't understand this beauty, this joy. At least not without the Holy Spirit. It saddens me, I feel lonely. But am I really? My hope that my thoughts or my feelings are deceiving me is omnipresent, the hope is great.
When family fades and friends drift away,
when the echoes of laughter no longer stay,
when the warmth of love feels distant, unknown
is God still near when I stand alone?
The seats are empty, the calls are few,
the ones I trusted seem far from view.
But in the quiet, the hurt, the fear,
I hear a whisper that draws me near:
I was with you before they went,
I never leave, My love is sent.
When all else fails, when hearts may roam,
I am your refuge, I’ll bring you home.
Psalm 38:11, Job 30:9, Psalm 102:7, Psalm 22:1, 2 Timothy 4:16, Micah 7:5, Lamentations 3:28, 1 Kings 19:12, Joshua 1:5, Romans 8:39, Psalm 73:26, John 14:3
The spiritual dimension of loneliness
Loneliness is painful. At the same time, however, it is also necessary in some way to lead us to God. In solitude, I can do just that. I can use the quiet